Hi Doc,
I'm a 35 yr old happily married man that really wants to explore my sexuality. My wife is very understanding and tells me to go for it (safely and discreetly), but what do i do? I dont really find men a turn on and its only sex I want. The options that I can think of are, 1, Pay for it. 2, Gay sauna. 3, Layby cruising. 4, Online personal adverts. What should I do, I really want to get into some intense gay sex.

Anon

Hiya!
Your wife sounds incredibly understanding and is correct in telling you to be SAFE. If you have any sexual contact with another man then you should make sure you are protected if you have penetrative sex. However, using condoms will not protect you from all sexually transmitted diseases, so you should be careful. Saunas, cruising etc are good options if all you want is sex. Try joining gay chat rooms and arranging to meet guys online, but always meet in a public place first. Saunas are a more expensive option but they often provide condoms, lube etc which may be useful. You can of course try going to your local gay bar or club and see what comes from that.

Hope this helps.
DR GLUK
Xx

Dear Dr GLUK,
I am 20 years old and am only just really coming to terms with the fact Im gay. I recently met a gay guy from uni and we seem to really be hitting it off. He is the only person I am out to and I would like to see our relationship develop further. My problem is I have no sexual experience at all and am scared I will make a fool of myself if things with this guy progress. I haven't even kissed someone before!!! Please advise because I am really quite worried what will happen? Will a lot of it just come naturaly.

What makes it worse for me is this guy seems to have loads of expereince. He came out when he was 16 and appears "sexually confident". I just feel so far behind and feel that maybe he wouldn't enjoy sex with me.

Many thanks
Mark

Dear Mark,
I am really pleased that you have recently met someone that you have made a connection with. First of all I think you should check that he too wants things to develop further and if so then I don't think there is anything wrong with telling him that you are new to all this. There is no right or wrong and I am sure that he can teach you a few things when it comes to sex/kissing etc. Just go with the flow and let things happen. If you are nervous, he will understand and knowing this will help you relax into the feeling. You don't have to worry about him enjoying sex with you. If he likes you he will enjoy whatever you do together and you can enjoy learning from someone who may be more experienced but who has never experienced being with you.
Let me know how it goes and remember practise makes perfect! :)

Hugs,
DR GLUK
xxx

Hi Doc.
Over the past 16 years I have been involved in a friendship that has had a lot of turns and twists and now I do no not know whether I am coming or going.
Me, I am a bi curious male in my mid 30's, my friend is straight (although when he is drunk is bi curious). I am confused so is he. Anyway, since our friendship started Tom has always looked on me as a brother, turning to me for financial support when the going gets tough and that happens a lot of the time where he is concerned, expecting me to pick up the peices for him when his life falls apart, particularly after a fall out with a girlfriend or when things are not going his way. I have been there for him every step of the way in his life, even to the extent I have got him setup in a new flat, with a job in my company providing him with all the security he wants and has desired all his life but never found in his family environment or in any other relationship. He tells me he loves me, he tells me he wants to be with me, he asks me to sleep with him (non sexually)he is happy to hug me both in private and in public, when he has a drink in him and then when I want to talk about it when he is sober - I am bitching and he is not interested in me any other way other than as a friend - what is going on? I have told him how I feel about him, that I love him and would like to move our friendship on, to provide me with the security I need from our friendship, to give me the strenght to carry on with the levels of support he desires from me and will in the future require. He has accepted what I have had too say and once tried to blackamil me about it, but did not have the balls to follow it through. Right at this point in time I have told him I don't want our friendship to continue, I want any contact with him restricted to the office and phone; when I told him of my decision he got nasty and spoke of violence between us, which has featured a few times when he has been under the influence of alcohol. Am I dealing with this the right way? Am I doing the right thing in walking away (although I know I have made a rod for my back getting him started with my employer)? Or am I asking too much from him ? Can you suggest away forward for us without breaking up ?

Thanks for your help
Paul

Dear Paul,
It is clear that this friendship means a lot to you, but I am not sure how much it means to him. You have obviously been there for him and supported him greatly and there are indications that he may be unsure about his sexuality. This is clearly a threat to him and despite his closeness when drunk he has been willing to threaten you with blackmail and violence. These contradictions suggest that he is not altogether balanced and I feel that your moves to distance yourself from him are in good faith. Walking away seems to be a good opportunity for you to get on with your life and start focusing on what YOU need rather than what he needs. If he has been violent towards you in any way, then I would once again suggest that you put some distance between you and him. I think he has issues to deal with, but these are HIS issues and you have helped him as best as you can. Of course you walking away doesn't mean that he won't come back when he needs you, and it will be your choice as to whether you wish to let him get closer again.
I wish you luck in your decisions and wish you well for your future.

Hugs,
DR GLUK
Xx

Hi Doc,
I have a big problem. My boyfriend, Eric has a roommate, Jesse, who at one time were long time lovers, for 'bout 7 years. I didn't find out 'bout this until 1 month in the relationship, Eric was honest enough to tell me.

The problem is that Jesse hates me, i mean he hates with a gay passion, that's worse than regular passion. Its weird 'cause i never done anything to him, i'm always polite to him, even though he doesn't deserve it 'cause when i call for Eric, Jesse tells me that he's not home, knowing full well that's he's there and that he and Erick fok last night, and says other hurtful things.

I talked with Eric 'bout Jesse's problem. Eric tells me that Jesse is just jealous and wants him back and is trying to split us up. When i do try to talk to Jesse, he acts as if life is simply peachy 'tween him and me. I found out things 'bout Eric from Jesse one time when he was civil enough to hold a conversation with me, and told me of Erick past. Eric been in jail, on a battery charge. Eric has confirmed it but only 'cause i brought it up, and told me it was a gay bashing, and all he did was defended himself, which is right for him!

I don't know what to do, this Jesse is pissing me off to the point that i just want to knock his forehead in; and i'm not a violent person. He's messing with me head, putting doubts 'bout the man I love, but I'm finding things 'bout me lovers past that i wouldn't have had access to from his own shortcomings. What can i do, who should i trust?

Help me
Ewan

Hi Ewan,
Ex-boyfriends can often be a problem, especially in this circumstance when the ex of your partner is his house-mate!! The key issue here I think is trust. You have found out some things about your boyfriend's past that perhaps you would rather have not known, but at least he has been honest when you have pushed him for information. Jesse certainly seems to be the main cause of the problem, and it seems that he is certainly trying to stir both you and Eric up. His jealous reaction would certainly be understandable after a 7 year relationship. However he has no right to try and cause problems for your relationship. I think that you need to explain your anger to your boyfriend and tell him that Jesse is hurting and upsetting you. Although you may want to physically hit Jesse, we both know that this would be no real solution. Normally I would say to just ignore him, but the fact that your boyfriend lives with him is in itself a problem. Why does your boyfriend want to live with someone who is going out of his way to split you up? Maybe Eric should consider moving out as I see his ex being a constant form of friction for the two of you.

As for who to trust, I don't know. You should mainly trust your own feelings and instincts and if there are things about your partners' past that worry you then speak to him about it. There's no point in hiding issues which worry you. Hope things work out ok!

Hugs,
DR Gluk

Hi Doc
I had my first girlfriend when I was 12, and throughout school was never without a girl. I was engaged at 20, married at 23, divorced at 25 and have had three long-term girlfriends since then. I love women. However ­ and there's no beating around the bush here - I've recently found myself being really impressed by the physique of a group of three blokes at my gym. I'm pretty sure it's not a sexual thing, but it really is the weirdest feeling and I'm not comfortable at all. How can I be sure I'm not gay?"

Sim

Hi Sim
The fact that you ask whether you can be sure of your sexuality suggests to me that you are in some way questioning the heterosexual identity that you (and society) have created of yourself. One thing to consider is that you may actually be bisexual, having an attraction to both men and women. However, your e-mail suggests that you simply admire the physique of 3 blokes at your gym. I don't think that there is anything wrong with respecting and admiring the people around you, whether they happen to be male or female. You say that you are pretty sure that it's not a sexual thing, but this hints that you are unsure whether it is admiration you feel or a form of sexual attraction. Only you can know whether you feel any attraction to them or any sexual arousal on your behalf. If you do, then maybe you have bisexual tendencies, which in itself is not a problem. It may, on the other hand, require some shifting of opinion on your behalf.

Either way I don't think that you have anything to worry about but please let me know if I can be of any further help.

Best wishes,
Dr Gluk
xxx